Feeling Stuck? Do Something That Scares You.

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh, but my darling,
What if you fly?”
― Erin Hanson

When I was 35, I quit my engineering job. Up until that point, I had been working full-time for 11 years with 3 different companies and various promotions. I hadn't taken a vacation where I didn't bring my work phone and/or laptop; trips "off-grid" were out of the question. Before that, I was an engineering student who worked every other semester as an intern to pay for said college, or at least decrease the debt I was taking on.

In 2020, I hit a wall; I was burnt out. Maybe I was languishing. Or maybe I just didn't know what the point of it all was. Blame it on the pandemic, but I suddenly realized I didn't know why I was doing what I was doing, especially if it didn't make me happy. Continuing to make more money for no reason other than to pile it in the bank like Scrooge McDuck no longer made sense. I was debt-free with no dependents and had realized I had saved up enough to cover 20+ years of living expenses. (Big shout out to IWT!) So I quit.

I was at the height of my career, some might say. I had a fancy title, gave presentations at conferences, made more money than I ever thought I would. . . I was "successful!" And yet I felt like I was winning at a game I no longer wanted to play: the game of success and money.

Quitting the Game

Growing up, money was always a concern. I fully experienced the reality of not having enough money to pay for things and how scary that was. So it's no surprise that (subconsciously) my goal in life became making as much money as I could and becoming financially secure. It was all I could think about. Unfortunately, other aspects of my life suffered because of this, which became starkly apparent to me during the pandemic. Once I realized that I had finally made enough money for me to stop worrying about it, I felt like I could finally start living the life that I actually wanted.

So in July 2021, I sold my condo, my car, and as much furniture as I could and put the rest of my belongings in storage. I bought a camper van and traveled around the US for 4ish months, eventually settling down in a small town in Colorado. I upended my life as I knew it and completely re-prioritized. Money and success were no longer the goal. Instead, the goal was joy, happiness, decompressing, (and hopefully removing the ever-present anxiety from my body), relationships with family and friends, adventure, LIVING! I became a white-water raft guide, something I had never even considered. I started an Instagram account dedicated to the town that I live in, just for fun. I took an art class. I learned about web3, crypto, and AI. I hiked a lot. I made new friends. I took myself on dates. I did nothing conventionally productive for 1.5 years. I did, however, reconnect with myself and what brings me joy, a connection that seems to have been severed for a while. And that seemed like a pretty worthwhile goal.

Unfounded Fears

It's eye-opening now to think about all of the fears that I had surrounding that decision, like:

• "What if I feel lost and completely untethered because my job helps me feel grounded?" (A valid fear.)
• "What if I lose my sense of self-worth?" (Also valid.)
• "What if my coworkers and peers think I'm crazy?" (Definitely happened.)
• "What if I somehow run out of money?" (Irrational fear.)
• "What if get injured and no longer have health insurance?" (Valid fear but fortunately didn't come to fruition.)
• "What if I forget how to "engineer" or decide I want to return to engineering but no one will hire me?"

and so on and so on. . . Looking back, I had so many fears surrounding my decision to quit, and yet NONE of them came true in the way in which I was worried. And some of them were completely unfounded.

Another interesting observation is that my imagination ran wild when it came to predicting all the bad things that could happen to the point where I couldn't even think of any good outcomes. In fact, I had so much fear and anxiety about quitting that I invoked my first and only panic attack. Yet there are so many amazing things that have happened or I've made happen since my decision to quit that it's scary to think about how my fears almost prevented me from making the leap.

From an intellectual standpoint, I find this quite interesting. I'm sure predicting bad outcomes has been useful for self-preservation, but it also hinders us from accurately predicting what will make us happy. The fact that our minds are terrible at predicting what will make us happy is a concept that Dr. Laurie Santos explores a lot in her podcast, The Happiness Lab, which I absolutely adore.

So if you find yourself in a similar position, where you feel stuck i.e. you're not happy in your career, your relationship, your friend group, your city, whatever it is. Don't let the fears and the "Well I don't know what else to do." stand in your way. Maybe the "thing" to do next is to simply stop doing what you're doing. Shake things up. Take a break. Move cities.

(I also found the "What's the worst thing that could happen?" thought exercise to be quite useful, as this helps you realize that the "worst" outcome is really not that bad and can easily be overcome.)

Embracing the Unknown

I'll look back on quitting my job in July 2021 as one of the best decisions of my life. I feel incredibly grateful for fully coming to the realization that we all have choices and "yes," you can quit working before you're 65. You can even quit at 35. The world will still go on, even if your coworkers and friends think you're crazy. It's scary, but quitting is a valid plan. You don't have to have a "next step" identified.

So what am I up to now? I work part-time for an engineering consulting firm from my home in Durango, which gives me ample time to play and pursue other ventures such as this. Do I know what I want to "do" for the rest of my life? No. And I'm okay with that for the first time in my life. The unknown doesn't scare me anymore. If anything, I embrace it. Because I know that from the unknown can come the most meaningful experiences and life-altering changes. I encourage you to embrace the unknown and befriend the fear. Sit with it. You'll be amazed at all the incredible things you can make happen by taking that leap.

Are you feeling stuck? Let's talk about it.