Life is the Obstacles
Time is a funny thing. One year can feel like both an eternity and a flash in the pan. This is why I think achieving annual goals can be so daunting. Because the answer to "What can I accomplish in one year?" or "What do I want to accomplish this year?" can change so quickly.
In January, you might feel like there are a million things you can and want to do, but by February you may be tempted to delete 90% of your goals or just give up altogether because life gets in the way. I know the feeling.
For me, this year has started off a little wonky. I spent most of January thoroughly and meticulously designing my life and the goals I wanted to achieve this year down to monthly, weekly, and daily habits, routines, and schedules. . . and then I decided to accept a new full-time job which will drastically reduce the time I have a couple of my bigger goals, prompting a heavy resolution rewrite 🤦🏻♀️
I feel like February is usually where I hit my stride, where I finally feel accustomed to the routines and habits I put into place in January. Instead, I feel like I'm still at the starting block. Getting sick (for the 2nd time this year) didn't help. But that's okay (I gently whisper to myself) - we'll just roll with it.
Encountering false starts or hiccups like this used to really stress me out. And I'd be lying if I told you I didn't have thoughts like "Why do I feel like I'm starting over? Why do so many of the goals I wrote down in January seem silly or irrelevant now that I'm starting a new job? Is my life over??" Okay maybe not the last, but you get the idea. I'm feeling a little panicked. And that feeling will probably continue until I get a better handle on how I can best navigate this big life change. So I'm actively trying to "embrace the suck" and hoping this sea of unknowns becomes friendlier ASAP.
I'm reminded of an excerpt from a blog post I wrote in February 2022 which discusses "embracing the suck" (and also reminds me of a recent Ted Talk I watched which discusses "building our discomfort muscles.") Navigating a sea of unknowns or getting sick when you feel like you have so much you want to do, are just a few of life's obstacles. Instead of wanting to fast-forward, can we teach ourselves to be more present with the challenges?
(Written February 2022)
I was listening to a podcast where Susan Cain (who wrote a fascinating book on introversion: Quiet) discusses how "longing" is a universal feeling and that feeling (and embracing) sorrow can increase your resiliency. During the interview, the host mentioned this quote:
“I used to resent obstacles along the path, thinking, ‘If only that hadn’t happened, life would be so good.’ Then I suddenly realized, life is the obstacles. There is no underlying path.” - Janna Levin
A lightbulb went off in my head. For almost my entire life, I've thought something like: "I can’t wait to get through all of these annoying obstacles and then I can FINALLY start living my life!"
But I've since realized that life isn't what happens after you've cleared the obstacles. One of the reasons I haven't written is because I haven't been feeling particularly joyful lately. I keep thinking, "When life gets easier, I’ll write again. When I get through all these obstacles in my life, I’ll write again." I realize how silly that sounds now. Life is the obstacles. Not only is that part of what makes life interesting but it's part of life period. Something bad happened today? Okay, that's life. Embrace it. Embrace the suck.
Resilience = Happiness
So many times when we encounter obstacles, we can't wait to get over them, myself included. I'm so eager to jump to next month where at least I'll be settled in this new job and know what to expect on a daily and weekly basis. Encountering challenges makes us feel nervous and anxious, wishing we could just fast forward to the good parts, or should I say the easy parts. But think about how much more enjoyable life could be if we embraced obstacles and setbacks using a different frame of mind. I know - it's a big ask. But something to consider the next time you find yourself thinking "I can't wait to get through this, so I can go back to enjoying life." Besides, a more resilient human is a happier human.
Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle. Some things are within your control. And some things are not. - Epictetus
So embrace it. - Sheri
Resources
- Parker, P. (2012, December 29). How to quit your life (and reboot) [Ted Talk].
- Ferriss, T., & Cain, S. (2022, March 30). Susan Cain on Transforming Pain, Building Your Emotional Resilience, Exploring Sufi Wisdom, Tapping into Bittersweet Songs, and Seeking the Shards of Light (#583) [The Tim Ferriss Show].
- Santos, L., & Irvine, B. (2020, March 23). BONUS: Rising to the Challenge [The Happiness Lab]. Pushkin.