Presence is a Gift
"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." - Bronnie Ware
The above quote was taken from an article published in The Huffington Post entitled "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying"
In last week's blog post, I discussed how quitting my job and not having work responsibilities (and the constant barrage of work emails) allowed me to be more present with myself and my life. For the first time in a long time, I could ask myself what I wanted to do and how I wanted to fill my time every day. What I didn't realize is how much of a gift it is to experience being fully present. I've also since realized that this helped me come closer to living a life that's true to who I am, and not what others want of me - because I was able to tune in to myself.
Many people describe gaining this same sense of presence when they unplug i.e. no phone, computers, t.v., etc. Blame it on social media, but we are constantly bombarded with everyone's opinion on how we should live our lives, from what school to attend and desirable job to get . . . to what to eat and what to wear. So much so that it's sometimes hard to discern what you actually want from the desires of those around you. How do we separate external inputs from our original thoughts and desires?
Clear the Noise - A Challenge
Do you remember when you were a kid waking up on Saturday morning and you were brimming with excitement about the seemingly endless list of fun things you couldn't wait to do? You could watch cartoons, go outside and play for hours, maybe your neighbor would come over with their new puppy(!) . . . Whatever it was that excited you - the excitement most likely originated from you and not an external factor dictating where your excitement should come from. When's the last time you woke up in your bed (on a day you didn't have to work) and instead of grabbing your phone and scrolling or instinctively heading off somewhere, you sat there and asked yourself: "What do I want to do today?"
I want to see if we can recreate this feeling of having endless choices and also the power to choose, where nothing is off-limits. So I'm offering a challenge:
Sometime this week, schedule a 1 to 2-hour block of time where you have no responsibilities, nowhere to be, and nothing to do and you can completely unplug from your phone, computer, etc. Call it "me time," "moment of presence," or whatever you like.
Option 1: A thought exercise: Upon "arriving" at the allotted time, ask yourself the question: "If you could do only one thing with your life right now, what would you do?"
Think and/or write your answer to this question. The only requirement is to be honest with yourself. Pay close attention to what's not on the page and compare that with what you are currently doing in your life.
I know it sounds strange to set aside time to do virtually nothing. But sometimes clearing our minds of the external inputs and instead tuning in to the self can render valuable insights.
Option 2: Ask yourself the question: "If you could do only one thing with your time right now, what would you do?"
Then go do the thing.
I hope you find that there's joy and excitement in the unplanned and the unknown, the possibility of what you'll decide to do once the time comes and the feeling strikes.
Option 3: If you find none of these appealing (or the thought of sitting alone with your thoughts scares you), you can pre-plan an activity. However, I encourage you to engage in an activity you don't normally have time for but have been craving, bonus points if it involves something you enjoyed as a kid e.g. take a dance or music lesson, learn a new language, hike a trail you've never hiked, go on a bike ride, etc.
Maybe what you decide to do in this time helps you hone in on how you want to live the rest of your life. Or maybe it's an exercise in flow - a contributor to happiness. Either way, I hope you find that when you 1) allow yourself to be present 2) listen to your wants and 3) realize you have a choice in what you do - life becomes much more exciting and fulfilling.
"What if we stopped celebrating being busy as a measurement of importance? What if instead we celebrated how much time we had spent listening, pondering, meditating, and enjoying time with the most important people in our lives?" - Greg McKeown, Essentialism
Takeaways
- Presence = Tuning in to self (and tuning out externalities)
- Outputs (originating from self) > Inputs (from the external world)
- Thought exercise: "If you could do only one thing with your life right now, what would you do?"