Are You Having Fun?

Okay I need to talk to you about something serious. I need to talk to you about having fun. Yes, that's right. That thing we used to do when we were young but for whatever reason stopped. Blame it on the advent of social media in 2004, the pandemic forcing social isolation, hustle culture and less friendly workplaces . . . but apparently many of us have forgotten how to have fun. In fact, a recent article from the Washington Post declared "Fun is Dead."

At the beginning of last year, I ended a 2.5 year relationship which left me with a flurry of negative emotions, one of which was intense sadness. All I craved was to feel at peace again, but what I ended up seeking was fun. I embarked on a journey of self-love which heavily involved re-discovering what brings me joy and allowing myself to simply have fun again, lots of it. Turns out, fun was the solution to my sadness.

Having fun can sound frivolous, especially to serious adults like us, but it's not. According to Catherine Price, author of "The Power of Fun," in a recent interview with NPR stated:

It can almost seem irresponsible to think about fun given today's climate and everything that's going on. And what we don't realize is that fun is actually hugely beneficial to us, both in terms of our mental and our physical health.

(Catherine was also a guest on one of my favorite podcast episodes of the The Happiness Lab - "Laurie Gets a Fun-tervention" where she helps the host find her fun again.)

For me, "fun" falls into two main categories of activities (although these can be combined): connection, either to nature, animals or humans and play e.g. dancing, dj'ing, decorating, making art, dressing up, etc.

Another way to learn what activities bring you joy or happiness is to think about when you feel most at peace. Some might refer to this as "finding flow." And Catherine Price argues that this is the third tenet of having true fun, in addition to playfulness and connection. Naval Ravikant argues that finding peace is actually the goal in life, not happiness but potato, potato right?

Happiness is peace in motion. - Naval Ravikant

Another idea: think about what was fun for you as a child - was it playing outdoors with your imagination or was it playing a game with others, or both?

Personally, re-finding my joy and fully understanding what is fun for me was crucial for my mental health. This has lead me to worry less, sleep better, be more present (and therefore help me feel connected more often), and just feel generally less stressed. These qualities have immensely helped me not just in my relationships but also in my work. I'm way more understanding when it comes to dealing with a difficult situation or person, and I don't ruminate on little errors or conflicts like I used to. All in all - knowing how to have fun has helped me be a better happier human.

Build Fun into your Resolutions

The goals you've written down for yourself in 2024 may contain achievements or attainments which seem like they'll bring you joy e.g. obtaining a promotion, buying a new car, losing 'x' amount of weight, etc. but I strongly encourage you to think about why you want to achieve said goals. Oftentimes, our brains trick us into thinking certain things will make us happier when they often don't at all, or only temporarily. This fact serves as the basis for both the podcast and the online (free) course "The Science of Wellbeing" (originally taught in-person at Yale) by Dr. Laurie Santos. I strongly encourage you to check out the online course if you're struggling to find what makes you happy.

As a recovering ambitious engineer (I kid), I tended to make some pretty challenging annual resolutions for myself that had alot to do with money and success, thinking (consciously or nonconciously) that happiness would of course follow. Spoiler: it did not. In fact, it made me less so, something that took me many many years to understand.

So I challenge you: Take fun seriously. Be intentional with it. Make time for it. I want you to avoid the "all work and no play" trap when defining your 2024 resolutions. Build fun into your life, using the 3 central tenants of play, connection and flow. Yes, life is not ALL about seeking joy, but it should play a bigger part in our lives than what we allow it to.

Fun and Adventure

For some, seeking happiness goes hand-in-hand with seeking adventure or new experiences. Regarding adventure - I want to leave you with an excerpt which I left as a footnote to the last blog post, but I think it's so good and juicy, it should be included twice. According to neuroscientist David Eagleman, the reason people feel like time stops or slows down during a traumatic or scary event, is because more memory is "laid down" during that event. Now I'm not encouraging you to seek out life-risking activities, but including more novel activities and adventures into your year will make your year feel fuller. Bonus points if these adventures involve other people (social connection!) I've since realized this is why my 2023 felt like 2 years instead of 1 - there were alot of new (and awesome) experiences!

Full transcript for this podcast can be found here. From David Eagleman:

"So, anyway, this was a whole bunch of research in my lab over the course of a decade that came together. But the point is, if you’re laying down richer memories, you won’t necessarily live longer, but you will make it seem as though you’ve lived longer. Because when you’re asking what just happened or how long has it been, you’ve got more data, more footage to draw on. And of course, we all know this feeling when you go on some super exciting trip on the weekend and you come back and you’re back on a Monday, you think, “Oh my gosh, it’s been forever since it was Friday. There’s so many things that happened.” But if you just have a normal weekend, you think, ‘Oh my gosh, it’s Monday. It was just Friday.” There’s nothing to write down, and so you don’t feel that there was much duration that happened there.

So, this is why I think one of the most important things in life is about seeking novelty and always putting yourself in new situations such that you’re laying down dense memories. The analogy last thing I’ll say on this is when you get to the end of a childhood summer, it seems that the summer lasted forever, and it’s because everything is new. So, you’re writing stuff down in your memory. But when you’re older, you’ve seen it all before, and you get to the end of the summer and you think, “Wow. I can’t believe it’s over already. I don’t really remember it at all. It seems as though the summer didn’t last long.”

Happiness Resources

"Fun is Dead" - Karen Heller, 2023 (Washington Post article)

"Are We Having Fun Yet? The Serious Business Of Having Fun" - NPR, 2024 (transcript of radio segment)

"How to Feel Alive" - Catherine Price (newsletter)

"Laurie Gets a Fun-tervention" - Laurie Santos, 2021 (podcast episode)

"The Science of Well-Being" - Laurie Santos (online free course on Coursera)

"Happiness is Peace in Motion" - Naval Ravikant (video on Youtube)

The Tim Ferriss Show with David Eagleman #674 (podcast transcript)

"The Art of Profound Time Dilation for Deep Relaxation" - Tim Ferriss (video posted on Twitter)

"Play is more than just fun" - Stuart Brown, 2008 (Ted Talk video)