What I Learned From Not Working

In July 2021, after working for a little over 11 years, I quit. I was unsure if I would ever be able to muster up the energy or enthusiasm to work a full-time job again, let alone return to the field of engineering that I was in (for various reasons.) The crux of my plan for the future was simply to not work.

About a year later after moving cities, I "worked" as a white-water raft guide for the Summer. About 6 months after that, I picked up some part-time engineering work, with an emphasis on part-time. All in all, I haven't worked a full-time job in over 2 1/2 years . . . until now.

I've learned a lot during this time off, mostly as a result of finally having something I hadn't had since I was a kid: time - time to do whatever I wanted, time to pursue my interests, time to just sit with my thoughts, and enough time to be bored (a glorious feeling!) These are my favorite lessons learned from my time spent not working.

There's joy in the unknown

I've said this before, but it bears repeating: simply quitting and committing to not doing what you were doing is a valid plan. Often, you need to quit the thing that's not serving you (or making you happy) before you can figure out what will. I quit Houston without knowing where else I wanted to live: sold my condo and my car, put my stuff in storage, and traveled the US in a camper van. And that's how I found where I live now. I quit my job not knowing what I wanted to do next but instead gave myself permission to simply "not know" and be curious. The world opens up when you don't force yourself to have a backup plan and instead embrace the unknown.

You are not who you think you are

And that's exciting. We tend to suffer from identity foreclosure, committing to a certain identity or an understanding of who we are and what we like, thinking we won't ever change. However, the brain remains plastic throughout our lives, despite the misconception that we stop changing after age 30. If I committed to my identity as a shy introverted engineer, I would've never become a DJ or a raft guide; I would've never thought of moving to a small town in Colorado (where engineering jobs are virtually nonexistent) and starting a travel blog and Instagram dedicated to my new town; I would've never explored my passion for writing and I would've never considered a marketing job. But here we are :)

Staying curious and adopting a growth mindset have been instrumental in my happiness. Allow yourself to be curious about the things you enjoy (now or when you were little) and pursue them in your free time. Challenge the perceptions you have about yourself and where they come from e.g. "I'm not the creative one," "I'm not a runner," "I'm awful at public speaking", etc. You might be surprised at who you find.

Beware of negative bias

When stepping out of your comfort zone, your imagination may run wild with all the negative things that can go wrong. From an evolutionary standpoint, I assume predicting all the possible bad outcomes has been useful for self-preservation. However, it greatly hinders us from choosing the thing that will make us happy, not to mention causing unnecessary stress. Before I quit my job, I was sick with worry, as various fears and "what-ifs" ran through my mind. So much so that I couldn't focus on any of the positive outcomes. Thankfully none of my fears about quitting came true (except for the minor fear that my friends and co-workers would think I was crazy - that definitely happened). Instead, unimaginably positive things happened in my life i.e. I found a place to live that I love, and I (re)connected with people and activities that bring me joy. Don't let unfounded fears stand in your way of making a decision that will bring you closer to your goals, whatever they might be..

Learn to not work

The key to being happy at work is not making work your highest priority. This may sound counterintuitive but bear with me. I had 24/7 access to work email via laptop and/or phone non-stop for 11 years. My work laptop and phone were with me on every vacation. From presenting at a virtual conference from a campground in Utah to deciding to cut a vacation in Mexico short due to a client meeting, I always put work first. This made me "successful," but it also made me high-strung with a certain level of stress and anxiety that never went away. I was not able to be present with my friends or family, let alone with my thoughts. I've since learned how detrimental that is. (I also take full responsibility for allowing this to happen, as setting boundaries just wasn't something I knew how to do.)

Now that my life is rich with relationships and hobbies, I no longer feel the need to put work on a pedestal. I'm significantly less stressed and not only are my interactions with coworkers and clients more pleasant but little hiccups or disagreements don't trigger undue anxiety like they used to (based on my experience working as a part-time consultant.)

FYI: Once I quit, it took me 4 weeks of not working to completely unwind and not worry about work (that wasn't even there.) Don't let yourself get to this point!

Being Present

You know the feeling - you're hanging out with friends or family but all you can think about is that email you just received, a stressful meeting you had earlier in the day, or a problem you're trying to solve. Blame it on growing up in the advent of social media but living in the moment was something I needed to relearn. Engaging in activities that required my full attention, like learning how to mountain bike up a steep rocky trail or ski in powder has helped me be fully present and learn what that feels like in my body and mind. Knowing how to be present in my life has given me a superpower. When I give whatever or whoever is in front of me my full attention and focus, not only does it benefit me at work i.e. I become more productive because I can think faster and more clearly, but it also makes me a better listener and therefore a better coworker, friend, partner, etc.

Boredom doesn't scare me

(My teenage self is giving me the biggest eye roll right now.) Many people's reaction to me quitting my job was shock and horror followed by the question "What will you do all day!?" My response: "Hopefully, I will reach a state of boredom." I was so used to the frenetic pace of my life that comes with being an ambitious person that I welcomed boredom with open arms. Unfortunately (or fortunately), it never came. Because boredom doesn't come from a lack of doing things, it comes from a lack of paying attention. People who complain of boredom are often distracted, not paying attention to the present moment. I can confidently say that I was more bored before I quit my job than after it. Once I quit, I finally had the time, ability, and (emotional and physical) energy to explore what I wanted to do every day - which forced me to pay attention to myself and my interests, thoughts, and feelings. I took an art class. I learned about the wild world of "Web3" and crypto. I hiked a lot. I wasn't doing anything conventionally productive, and yet I don't think any of it was for naught because it brought me closer to understanding myself.

Connections are key (and why work will always be there.)

It's almost alarming how burnt out I was that I thought I might just disappear into the ether, and everyone would just forget that I existed. . . until coworkers and peers who became friends started reaching out through various means, and asking me when I'm coming back. Although I've become disillusioned with the industry at times, that still didn't allow me to completely forget the connections I've formed. Which is part of the reason I'm coming back, albeit in a different capacity. It's also funny to think how one of my fears around quitting was thinking I may never be able to come back. As I've learned from the various messages and texts I've received, that couldn't be further from the truth!

I'm excited to reconnect with those I haven't seen or interacted with in several years. The fact that I can pursue almost an entirely different passion - writing and content creation - while maintaining friendships I've formed, some 10+ years ago makes this new job opportunity that much sweeter. Because at the end of the day, life is about connections and relationships. The more I've come to realize that, the better my life has become.